3 comments:
- ClaudeA said...
- When I remember how it was so wonderful to see the world through your eyes, from the moment you were birthed, and your mother held you on her tummy, and you looked so intently into her eyes for the first time in your life, and then until you were violently taken away by angry, hurting people, even though these many years have passed, and a million miles of hate, misunderstanding, false accusations, and so much ill-will its like the distance from Whidbey Island to Maui, in my memory it's still fresh and wonderful! How I miss the lovely woman I saw in my daughter, Cynthia Joy! So awesome! So filled with the exuberance of new-found life, and so joyful with helping her daddy in the jobs he took to make people's yards look neat and cared for. But, so much change has taken place for both of us these years, and so much fear and words that are used to cause separation, not reconciliation, love, and "family," have come between us. My heart cries every day for truth and genuine meaning to bring us back together, yet such a prayer seems so hopeless. I've heard it said that a mother told her children she can forgive their father for things she does not like, but she never took time to caringly understand their father, and so, she really never took the time to sit with him and tell him that she forgave him. A verse in Luke tells honest people what true forgiveness is; it's simply for one who has wronged to go to the wronged person, and speak words that the wronged person hears, understands, and then, and only then responds with. Instead of obeying this specific formula for forgiving, the mother assumes she can do what only Creator has authority to do, and that is illustrated when Y'shua made the plea on the Cross, "Father, forgive them." Today, following false teachers, people assume they have that same power, and they ruin relationships believing they can forgive-away their responsibility to do all possible to reconcile and maintain loving family. If only we had the power to see into our Creator's heart and see the sorrow there for those who are deceived in their relationship practices. But, even in this loss we humans have the welcome from our Creator to ask Him for enough love and sense of belonging to fill-in the emptiness where once we had loving family members. He never replaces those angry, hateful people, but He does provide us with a joy that can bridge the void. I am happy, Joy, that our Creator leads you to make and keep this blog. It's a wonderful thing to be able to share my heart and mind with my precious child. One day you too may have a child, and if some things about parent-child importance you now find vague, then you will know how vital it is to love your child. For now, dear, be well, be blessed, and be in Truth. Living is never so good as when it is filled with Truth. Til next time . . .
- July 30, 2011 11:39 PM
- ClaudeA said...
- "Next time"! (Smile!) You ask, "How many letters are out there?" Well, it's either 7, or, counting the "M," 8, for Me and you! Well, I'm feeling rather lonely, confused, and needing to be loved here in the middle of the night, so I've come to your "place" to hang out for a few moments to at least feel closer to you. I just posted links to two photos hosted on Google's Pacasa Web Albums that beautifully illustrate my feelings. "Life: Is It A Puzzle To You, Too? " http://claudea-more-than-gardens.blogspot.com/2011/09/life-is-it-puzzle-to-you-too.html The way we go in life determines all that living means to each person, and those we depend upon to love us can, and some do forsake us. It feels so much like an end to living when a dear, intimate friend, or lover, abandons us, with blaming, fear, confusion, hate and anger. Some will paint a wax-museum-like image of; "Well, you gotta get on with your own life," or some silly, worthless attempt to comfort us. But, in reality, our living ends when a trusted, intimate friend or lover denies our presence, and our love. So, all we're left with is, "Why?" "Why" is a good thing. Being abandoned is certainly grounds for feeling suicidal. And, I've been there. But "Why?" does present opportunity, too. My "why?s" have provided me with almost unbearable loads of questions, but like all heavy loads, there is a renewed sense of needing to find a helper. Someone with lasting, proven advice and guidance to make it through the next minute, the next hour, the next day. But, too many times we feel fear and panic, the advisers that are attracted to us give worse than worthless advice, such as, "Oh, just turn away from "that" person who abandoned you, and get on with YOUR life!" Life doesn't work that way - nobody "just gets on" without that loved one who abandons us. In reality, our Creator tells us that Reconciliation (Yes, with a capital!) is the one and only key ingredient to a happy, successful, and well-balanced life. We leave this life and face Him, in the end, so it is not a bad idea that we should pay attention to His Life Guidance, recorded in His Living Word. So, if you are facing the question, "How many letters are out there?" sometime in your love life, just think to go and ask the Living Way "Lead me on, oh Sweet Friend, I do not know the Way." He will lovingly show you all the "letters out there."
- September 5, 2011 3:33 AM
- ClaudeA said...
- Yesterday's living - Today's longing Since 2003, when son Carl brought things left for me by departed family to my apartment, they sat buried amidst many other things kept here, wanting a place big enough to spread out for viewing, and reminiscing. Then, in September, 8 years later, Carl again helped to move them to a place large enough to view and sort family memories left from a past so painful it stings like a fresh wound. Yesterday, October 6, reading through letters that flooded the mail system at the time of my family denouncing me as husband and father, I read one crucial letter written by Crystal. Her angry heart is frozen in time and eternity in the words she penned. Of course, my heart wept for the daughter that means so much to me, yet her fear and hard-hearted disdain for me is a mighty barrier that stills grows larger, between us. My mother tried her best to break that barrier, and open dialogue between my departed family and I, but, her prayers and goodwill made no impact, no change, no difference. I too, gave up my trust in prayer and my hope for personal change, and returned to despair, which I imagine is just what my former family wanted, anyway. But, as I read my precious daughter's angry words, and wept from my heart, a thought began to pervade my anguished mind. "What if I had been a gentle father, a father who needed less nurturing than the nurturing he gave to his wife and children? That thought quickly overcame my grief. So, I began to search my memories for how I measured up as a husband and father who nurtured his family. Know what? I failed so miserably that it is a wonder that my sweet wife and our children did not leave me years before they did! Yet, it is abiding Love which conquers family breakup, and our home did not have abiding Love. Now, considering my family, and comparing our home to others where abiding Love held families together through far worse than our family experienced, the awesome abiding Love of my mother shines more brightly than ever! Somewhere it is written that "Love covers a multitude of wrong." I always wondered at this seeming contradiction of emotional conditions. But, now, it makes perfect sense. Real Love cannot die! It just goes on and on and on! Even more a miracle, True Love never quits its efforts to reconcile, restore relationships, and create better and more meaningful marriage, family relations, and even deeper love for all! My family has never, ever experienced True Love. My mother did, and now I know that it is true of her that she was a praying wife, and mother. Her abiding Love still lives today. My question is, "Will mother's abiding Love bring myself and my family back together?" To be honest, I don't think so. Too many years with too much hard-hearted mindset has formed hard-lined separation in the hearts of the one who vowed with me to a lifetime of marriage, no matter how difficult, but when the chips went down departure seemed better than vows, and the children of our love also went away. But! Abiding Love still lives! Recently I discovered a man who is married to a woman with abiding Love. She and he had 27 years of pure Hell as a couple before he woke up to understand his role as husband, father, and nurturer. His wife told him, when he wanted Divorce, "Over my dead body!" Her abiding Love not only saved her family the evils of Divorce, but it led her family into a world of hope and new beginnings every day, as her husband was given unlimited time to change. Now, he is so enthused at her abiding Love that he uses her undying faith in him and their marriage vow to share with everyone how to gain and grow abiding Love! http://youcansavethismarriage.com/blog/unhappy-marriage/ I'll finish my thoughts about abiding Love on my blog - http://claudea-more-than-gardens.blogspot.com/2011/10/father-learns-about-abiding-love-and.html
- October 7, 2011 10:32 AM
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